I'm taking this shit public! (an introduction...again)

As of now, my blog is no longer restricted to only those I've invited.  So...hello, world!  How the hell are ya?  :)

I had it restricted at first because I was pregnant and hadn't told anyone.  Then we lost the Shamrock and I kept it to only those I invited just because the whole world didn't know I was pregnant in the first place.  And because there are some people that have no idea what has been going on with IB and me for the last few months and I wasn't sure if they'd be able to find me and would find out about the Shamrock by reading this blog.  But, you know what?  I don't really care anymore.  These same people are on FB and if they thought about my posts over the last few months for 2.2 seconds, they'd figure it out.  So fuck 'em.

I've never really been one to keep things to myself - I'll tell you what I think anytime you want to know.  I'm far...really, really fucking far...from being shy.  And, I've been bitching since we lost the Shamrock that it's a goddamn shame that miscarriage and pregnancy loss are taboo subjects that no one ever wants to talk about.  And I truly believe that, so it makes no sense for me to hide what IB and I have been through.  I'm still not going to go around telling everyone I know what happened to me, but I have told everyone that has asked me what's been going on, and will continue to do that.

Many of my original readers already knew this, but I got pregnant again our first cycle back to trying after my DE&C.  It was a really weird series of events that made me believe I was never really pregnant, which I will spare you the details of, but basically I was blind-sided 2 weeks ago from a call from my doctor saying I needed to go to the emergency room because I had an ectopic pregnancy.  I was told I would either have to get a shot of methotrexate to end it, or have another DE&C.  Because I'm still not over the first surgery (mentally and emotionally one of the hardest things I've ever been through) I opted for the shots of metho. 

The good news: the shots are working.  They will monitor my levels back down to 0 - which hopefully will be tomorrow! - to make sure there isn't any residual tissue.  The bad news: we have to wait 2 full cycles before we can try again.  Unlike after my DE&C where we only had to wait 1 cycle, I guess the drugs could have an adverse effect if I get pregnant again too soon so we have to wait.  And trust me, the waiting is the worst part.  We're on month 16 and counting of TTC #1.  We could have had a baby and been pregnant again in the same amount of time.

I am trying to stay positive though.  I have been saying for the last few months that 2010 has sucked the big one and I can't wait until 2011. Turns out, the next time I could test to see if I am pregnant (again!) will be in January.  So come on universe, work with me here! 

On another positive note, this means we can go on our upcoming vaca (more on this in a future post) without worrying about when we have to have sex, how much either of us are drinking, etc.  That's something too I guess.

So, again, hello world.  My name is Alyssa, I am a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy survivor, and other than our fertility issues, I fucking love my life. There's no day but today!